Friday, February 27, 2009


Today, I woke up from my sleep in a different mode. I found myself in a weird feeling and acted in a weird behaviour. I used to be calm, confident, and independent. However, what happened today was totally contradictory in manner.
I felt depressed, stressed out, and out of nowhere I felt angry with everything I see. Let me put a situation here for instance. I cursed all the vehicles that stand in my way when I drove to fetch my brother from school. I cursed the traffic light even worse though I know it did me nothing wrong.
Situation no 2: As I drove back from sending my brother to his tuition class, I cursed again. That was when I received a phone call from my Mum, asking me a favour to buy Panadol for my Abah who had fever, and battery la, etc. So I stopped by at 7-11 and asked the cashier to get me the Panadol. He, the cashier asked me whether it is Panadol Soluble that I asked for. So I raised up my tone and said again that I wanted pills, not soluble! He stood there and smiled at me. That caught guilty feelings in me. Huhu..Later when it's time to pay, it cost me RM 11.10. So I hand over my 50 note and 10 cent coin. He murmured that how I don't have smaller change. I kept quiet, keeping myself calm and tried to cool down. Then he hand me over the change, and I pretty much heard he said the balance is RM 29. I put the money in my purse and tried to do my math. Yes, I am a bit slower than usual today. It took me a few minutes for me to realize that he should have given me RM 39 instead. Again, I asked in anger tone for the remaining change. That was when I looked into my purse and saw RM 39 right where I put it in the first place. He, again stood there and smiled. Cissss..
I thought to myself, what had he did me any wrong that I felt so angry and treated him rudely? What had every people that I see today ever did me any wrong? What the heck is wrong with me? That was when I remember a good friend of mine that once told "menganggur ni memang, kadang-kadang you depressed out of nowhere, marah-marah tak tentu hala...Believe me yang, I dah menganggur 7 years..". I didn't had a chance to say sorry to that cashier.. is time for me to perform my Isyak, take the wudhuk and ask for forgiveness. Fight the fire with water. Perhaps wudhuk would made me calm and secured.
Note 1: This is not the entry that I meant in my previous post.

Scavenger Hunt

Assalammualaikum w.b.t & Good day!
I wasn't thinking of writing any new entry today. Thought of giving my mind a piece of rest. However I was browsing through a friend's Friendster profile and that was when I found this in the comment box:
12/12/2005 4:39 am
roses are red, violets are blue
pink for azwan, blue for gen2!
bandung is pink, not same as teh-O
TAD 8800 has pink cloth??
pink is sweet, red is hot
love dat blue shirt wif dat pink spot!
dun have pink color? mr pinky say "I do!"
dun get blushed, cos pink is sooo youuu!!=)
blue curtain, pink pillow
whatever u'll say, i'm ready to swallow!
dearest dear, dun get mad,
cos u're the most precious dat i ever had...
Ngeh...I wrote this to someone some time ago. Walking down the memory lane again..lalalala..
My current activity is reading. It caught surprise to myself as I am not a reader. Daaaa...Let's just say that I have to do what a girl like me has to do. This is my current reading material. I wouldn't read this unless I have to. Need to get myself fully loaded for the exam. I guess this is the minimum price I had to pay to get involve in business. Gambate!
Despite getting myself into hassle, I still have lots of spare time. What else should I do to get my time occupied? Thought of expanding my knowledge in cooking, but causing food poisoning to others does not seems a better option for me. So I decided to read this novel which I bought 3 years back. Still untouched though the pages had turned yellowish in color.
I wonder how long would it takes for me to finish this novel. I guess it wouldn't be long if it was Twilight or Midnight Sun. Yupe, I still couldn't get rid the image of Edward Cullen and I'm not talking about Pattinson ya..
And so goes my routine of the day. Perhaps the same chapter will keep on repeating again and again until I managed to set up my own premise. When will that happen ya..Till then, aim the stars, shoot the moon, goal the sky!
Note 1: Something in my mind that I would like to blog about in my next entry :)
Note 2: I need help. Still living a life of Vampire!

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Lost & Found

Assalammualaikum w.b.t

I was looking around in and I couldn't recall whether I had ever created an account here. So I tried by luck to sign in using my old, old, very old almost forgotten password. Surprisingly, it turns out that I already have an existing account!

That was when I found this video in my own profile. Something that I had lost, and later was found out of nowhere..Walking down the memory lane..daaa...

I don't even remember that I have this video uploaded in photobucket. It must have been very, very long time since I can still see myself wearing braces in this video. It was during my zaman gonjeng2 which must have been about 3 years back, I supposed.

This video is tribute to ahCong, since we both know that none of us have the copy in hand. I sent my lappy for re-format, whilst ahCong's hard disc got burnt. Damn viruses! Pardon my language, since I had lost all of my files due to that. Perhaps our lappys are just hopeless. Cissss...

Wednesday, February 25, 2009


Assalammualaikum w.b.t

Saya suka warna ini. Ceria, dan nampak tegas serta tunjak di tengah-tengah antara yang ramai. Mencerminkan kekuasaan dan kedaulatan diraja yang mana setiap kata-katanya tidak boleh dibilang tidak.

Hakikatnya, saya berasa musykil dengan hakikat kedaulatan institusi diraja negara ini. Saya terpanggil untuk bertanyakan kepada diri sendiri, apakah semua orang boleh mencemar kedaulatan sewenang-wenangnya? Kalau pada zaman dahulu kala, sumpah Sultan yang berdaulat, tulah akibatnya. Mungkin Sultan dimasa kini sudah kurang daulatnya hinggakan sesiapa pun, tak kira bangsa dan agama sudah tidak lagi mempercayai kedaulatan Sultan. Mungkin juga Sultan tidak sampai hati hendak murka kerana sayangkan rakyat? Harapnya janganlah dijadikan rakyat ini sebagai Sazali, apa sahaja yang dibuatnya Bapak tak marah, Pak percaya nak. 

Saya kesal. Saya yang beragama Islam, yang berbangsa Melayu ini teramatlah kesal. Islam mengajar kita supaya taat kepada pemimpin. Bukan ini caranya untuk menentang kepimpinan yang tidak adil. Kita ini bertamadun, bukannya nomad. Allah itu ada. Kita ini beragama dan berbangsa. Kita ini Muslim dan Melayu. Melayu cemar saudara sendiri, orang lain duduk dan tepuk tangan sahaja. 

Malaysia ini bukannya negara demokrasi. Malaysia ini mengamalkan konsep demokrasi berparlimen dan raja berperlembagaan. Kita bukan Amerika Syarikat. Kita ialah Malaysia. Mengapa perlu jadi Amerika sedang kita tahu kita punya identiti sendiri. Tidak perlu kita ikut kepala kereta api kalau dah tahu memang ke gaung sudahnya. 

Malaysia kita tanggungjawab kita, rakyat Malaysia. Kita adalah satu, bukannya jamak.

Note 1: Hari ni saya turun naik bank sahaja. Pertama kali belajar deposit wang melalui deposit machine..*malu*

Paradigm Shift

Assalammualaikum w.b.t

Good day!
Just a few hours since my last entry, I decided to post another one.
Reason no 1: I just got inspired from my last chat with my fiance
Reason no 2 : I am addicted to blogs.
Reason no 3: I just couldn't sleep!
I am bored and tired with the word 'failure'. I'm sick of just sit and did nothing, watched everything fell apart. Tired of doing someone else's job yet credit goes to someone else. Tired of being told what to do. And most of all, tired of workplace politics and hypocrites!
Thanks to my fiance again, from the bottom of my heart for the indirect inspiration based from our previous conversation.
Thus, I decided to shift from old to matured, broke to whole, unemployed to self-employed, ordered to giving orders, and of course from unmarried to getting married!
A good friend of mine once told "beb, lu tak kena skang Allah nak bagik lu lagi baik punye. lu tak nampak skang". Alhamdulillah, I can see clearly now the rain is gone..I can see obstacles in my way. Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind..It's gonna be a bright sun shiny day..lalalala..
Lots of studies need to be done, courses to attend, and costing to be calculated. Speaking of which, I have a course to attend in March, exam for license in March as well, and a seminar in April. See, I am moving forward what..All I need is courage and guts..tawakkaltualallah*
Bless me Allah, help me to be a better muslim..amiin

Note 1: My biological clock had gone haywire. I sleep at day and stay up at night. It's fun though living my life as a Vampire.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

kenapa apakah?

Assalammualaikum w.b.t

Ada yang mengutarakan kepada saya beberapa soalan bermula dengan 'kenapa?'. Makanya entry ini ditulis untuk menjawab spekulasi-spekulasi tersebut..
Kenapa 1:
~Kenapa tunang lama sangat?

Ramai yang bertanya soalan ini kepada saya. Seperti biasa, alasan contract saya gunakan di mana tunangan saya kini bekerja di Saudi Arabia. Tamatnya tempoh contract adalah pada Disember 2009.
Sementara itu, dia hanya dibenarkan pulang ke Malaysia pada Hari Raya 2009 ini sahaja. Readers sekalian, kasihan kami terpaksa berjauhan. Kali terakhir berjumpa adalah semasa pertunangan kami, October 2008....adeh...

Jadi, masakan sempat setibanya kepulangan
tunangan saya ini ke Malaysia, dengan izin, 'back for good' pada bulan Disember 2009 sedangkan kami belum membuat apa-apa persediaan lagi sekiranya mahu dijalankan majlis pada tahun 2009 juga..Kursus perkahwinan pun belum kami hadiri lagi. Tambahan pula memandangkan tunangan saya ni bertempat asalnya dari Terengganu, tidaklah elok sekiranya dijalankan majlis pada penghujung tahun kerana menimbulkan ketidak selesaan terhadap rombongan sebelah lelaki yang terpaksa bergerak di dalam keadaan ribut dek kerana musim tengkujuh.

Dikesempatan ini juga saya ingin memohon maaf bagi pihak kami berdua sekiranya salah seorang dari kami tidak dapat mengahdiri kenduri kahwin anda...maaf teramat sangat. Salahkan faktor jarak dan masa untuk itu..
Kenapa 2:
~Dah tu kenapa tunang awal sangat?
Spekulasi begini selalu diutarakan kepada saya terutama 'competitors' kepada tunangan saya..hehehe..Benar, kami mengikat tali pertunangan pada suatu tempoh yang agak panjang dari kebiasaannya. Alasan pertama, kerana menurut jejak langkah kedua ibu bapa saya yang bertunang selama 3 tahun. Sedangkan saya cuma 1 tahun 7 bulan 18 hari je..

Ramai yang berkata banyak dugaan dan cabaran menimpa pada yang mengikat tali pertunangan sebegini lama, tetapi menurut kedua ibu dan bapa saya: 'biasee jeee..takde ape pun'. Alhamdulillah setakat ini kami masih intim, malah semakin lama semakin intim. Beberapa kenalan saya yang bertunang pada tempoh yg agak lama turut mempunyai pandangan yang sama. Semakin lama akan membuatkan diri kita semakin dekat dan semakin memahami pasangan kita.

Alasan kedua yang ingin saya utarakan disini adalah kami mengambil keputusan untuk bertunang kerana tidak ingin menjadi bualan dan dipandang serong oleh masyarakat. Kami telah berkenalan selama 2 tahun, dan tunangan saya ini kerap menjemput saya di rumah bagi meminta izin dari kedua ibu bapa saya jika ingin mengajak saya keluar. Pada pandangan kami adalah tidak manis jika dia kerap kelihatan berada di rumah saya tanpa sebarang ikatan. Lalu kami mengambil keputusan untuk bertunang. Lagipun benda baik mengapa perlu ditangguhakan. Maka tanggal 13 July 2008 kami menerima kunjungan merisik dari pihak lelaki dan menetapkan 11 October 2008 sebagai tarikh pertuanangan.
Kenapa 3:
~Cik zLa, kenapa anda quit master?

Saya memilih untuk melanjutkan pengajian dalam program Master sejurus selepas graduation. Pada masa itu saya tidak mempunyai hala tuju hidup dalam konteks ini membicarakan tentang bidang karier yang ingin saya ceburi. Dek kerana masih belum mendapat tawaran pekerjaan, melanjutkan pengajian pada masa itu kelihatan seperti idea yang baik. Kerana dikhuatiri saya akan terlibat dengan dua pekerjaan dalam satu masa yakni program Master dan bekerja tetap, maka saya pilih untuk menjalankan projek berkenaan dengan Modelling dan Control System kerana menurut saya, projek ini tidak memerlukan masa yang lama untuk membuat eksperimen di makmal. Rata-rata keseluruhan masa saya dihabiskan di rumah dengan hanya membuat simulation dan control sahaja.

Lima bulan kemudia saya ditawarkan bekerja di suatu syarikat MNC dengan gaji yang agak lumayan. Wah, pada masa itu terasa seronok bila memegang duit hasil pencarian sendiri yang halal di dalam tangan. Lama kelamaan projek saya terabai. Terus-terang saya katakan projek Master yang saya ceburi tidak ada hubung kaitnya dengan minat saya. Pada masa itu saya memilih projek tersebut hanya kerana menurut saya ia agak mudah sekiranya saya melibatkan diri dengan belajar dan bekerja pada masa yang sama. Sedangkan minat saya yang sebenarnya lebih menjurus ke arah waste treatment. Buktinya saya memilih FYP saya dalam bidang yang sama. Oh ya, bidang kerja saya juga berkenaan waste juga..Oh tidak...

Setelah 3 semester, dengan berbekalkan literature review sahaja sebagai progress, saya nekad mengambil keputusan untuk berhenti dari program ini. Supervisor saya sangat baik, sangat membantu, tetapi malangnya saya terpaksa melakukan ini kerana tidak mahu terus mengecewakannya. Akhirnya saya mngumumkan keputusan menarik diri dari program ini kepada semua pihak. Alhamdulillah mereka menyambut dengan positif, walaupun agak terkejut pada awalnya. Namun setelah diterangkan keadaan yang sebenarnya, akhirnya semua menyokong saya seadanya. Kredit harus diberikan kepada ahCong selaku tunggak tunjang belakang saya, dan kedua ibu bapa yang sentiasa mengaminkan segala keputusan saya. Tidak lupa juga rakan-rakan yang memberi sokongan, serta Supervisor yang sangat memahami. Kini saya berasa lega kerana tidak perlu lagi hidup dalam kepura-puraan.

Kesimpulannya, saya suka menjadi saya seadanya...(^_^)v
Note 1: Not bad juga for my first entry yang lalu ya..
Note 2: Air-cond bilik saya bocor..terpaksa tidur di bilik anje..

the day I decided to write..

Assalammualaikum w.b.t

I suffered from retrenchment due to Global Economic Crisis on 2008 up till now. I absolutely in love with my previous job, despite from the harm of probability to encounter with crocs, snakes, and road accidents due to off-road meant tyres...Nevertheless, the job was fun as I got the chance to encounter with various type of people, from classy to primitive (how cruel the word is)..and I learn the word politics!

Specifically, my job requires me to collect samples of Palm Oil Mill Effluent (POME) and also, requires me to walk around the ponds in order to mark its GPS coordinates..Not to mention interview will millers...Howewever my job had caused me to inhale lots of CO and H2S though in open space; which turns out could decrease the production of reproductory cell, and turns out could cause cancer..I fell so many times in the smelly other words, I am glad to have had left the fun yet turns out could be disasterable job in long term manner!

And there was the story which leads me to be categorized in 'desperate people in needs'...yess, I am desperate..I am in need of money, and I am talking about lots of money..I just got engaged and by which means I am getting married..and now, with no money in hand (since I burst pretty much during my engagement) I am desperately in need of job..aaaaahh...this is where the title goes..

I applied for this particular job which brought me to this particular test which I had to sit from 9.00 am till 4.15 pm...The test comprises of 5 parts, by which means 5 papers...As I came to the second paper which involves essay writing up to 500 words, I was panick and got cold feeted..the last time I wrote (this does not include typing yaaa...) was when I sat for SPM! It was like 9 years ago..geee..never thought could be that long (as I just figured out when blogging this chapter) My brain got blank for the first 20 minutes..However, as I started to write my first paragraph it turns out I wrote for about 600 words and I still can't end my essay..geee..why can't people ever think of 'essay typing' instead of 'essay writing'??? that's when I thought of creating a blog..ever since I was in primary school (since I got B for penulisan in UPSR, to be precise) I just can't start writing as it will never stop..I blame the B in penulisan incident which turns out it became a motivation for me to write more and become optimist..

So here I am, writing my first blog..a blog which tells the story of me walking (and sometimes could be running) on the road in search of eternity..